Self-Care

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

You must put your own oxygen mask on before assisting other.

Self care isn’t selfish. If it’s giving the world the BEST of you instead of what’s left of you.

Self-Care. We have to admit, the phrase certainly seems rather trendy lately, but honestly, what does it truly mean? We’re going to get real honest here, you might not want to hear these things, but the truth is, everyone’s definition of self-care is different.

Your most basic needs must certainly be met and self-care can be what is done over and above those basic needs. In other words, you need to eat, yes, but healthy, nourishing foods are more self-care than a piece of cake. It might be mental comfort food, but the physiological response of healthy choices will provide more support for your hormones and body than the cake! A sixty minute bubble bath with a cup of tea and your latest guilty pleasure book might reduce a bit more stress than that 5 minute shower where you only had time to shave one leg before the kiddos started banging on the door. See the differences?

We live in a society that prides itself on “busy.” We don’t have time to exercise or cook or go to an acupuncture or massage appointment. We also live in a society with extremely high levels of stress, many lifestyle related chronic diseases, and near epidemic levels of stress, anxiety, and depression (https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db379.htm). Self-care is so easily swept aside and it hurts to see that in our patients so often.

So I present to you my own personal self-care motto: Your life (the spouse, the kids, the job), all of it- can be your excuse not to take care of yourself, or it can be your reason.

Let me say it again, more simply: Your stressful job can be the excuse for not exercising, or it can be the reason you need to get your body pumping happy hormones. Your kids can be the excuse you don’t cook, or they can be the reason you fill your body (and theirs) with healthy foods. You see what I’m doing here…?

It can be your excuse, or it can be your reason. And the people you love, the people who love you, will get a better version of you when you take the time to fill your cup.

The most basic way to approach self-care that we talk about in clinic comes in two facets: One, what fills your cup, and two, what nourishes your body?

Cup filling is for hobbies, passions, interests. For example, I absolutely love to read. Give me a cup of tea and a new book and I’m pretty dang happy. Time with a friend over a cocktail or dinner out is always nice too! Things that you simply enjoy.

Nourshing seems to be harder for people. It’s the conscious decision every day to make happy, healthy choices. It’s waking up ten minutes earlier to make your own coffee instead of swinging the Starbies to get one with loads of sugar. It’s thinking ahead to put dinner in the crock pot instead of ordering take-out when you get home. It’s finding a work-out buddy because going to the gym alone is daunting. It’s resting when you’re tired. It’s passing on social plans because you need to go to bed early after a crazy week. It’s listening to your body, and boy- it isn’t easy.

We see it with acupuncture patients a lot. They’re too busy for that one hour appointment. ONE HOUR! It’s one hour in a whole week you’re spending on you. For the best reason ever- your health! If you’re so busy an hour is overwhelming than I challenge you to this- what are you doing that’s filling your time and is it either nourishing you or filling your cup?

Self care is such a popular topic you find blogs devoted to it (example: the one you’re reading right now). Or this one https://thegoalchaser.com/self-care-quotes/ But the bottom line is you can’t drive with an empty tank or with the check engine light never getting addressed. Every so often you have to change the oil and rotate or replace the tires! Or as the saying goes, if you don’t make time for health, you’ll be forced to make time for illness.

So how do you start, and where do you begin? One of the first steps is the shave the unneccessary. What are you doing that isn’t truly necessary (maybe scrolling Insta for 30 minutes would have been time better spent cooking dinner or that second Netflix episode better spent with a little in-home exercise). Secondly, are there things you’re doing that could be made better: if you’re cooking boxed macaroni, could there be an alternate, healthier option that takes just as long? If you’re already exercising, would it be more effective in a class or with a trainer? If you’re vegging out because your brain is tired, would a little meditation potentially be helpful? We find that when people TRULY examine there schedule, there is room for some rearranging, adding, and often times subtracting!

Communication is another important part of self-care and one that, quite honestly, easily gets overlooked. If you want to add three 30 minute work-outs to your routine and you simply can’t find the time, is there something in your life that can be delegated or transferred? I once had a patient who was so, so stressed about making dinner for her family seven nights a week because time wise it felt overwhelming. When she finally spoke with her husband, they decided to divide the dinner duties by day. One conversation, she had more time and a weight was lifted off her shoulders!

Life happens: schedules change, kids get sick, spouses travel, etc. Another challenge of self-care we see ALL THE TIME is continuity. I’m going to come right out and say it: SOMETHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING. What does that mean? If you’ve set yourself a work-out plan for 4 days a week and you suddenly have to miss one because your youngest has the flu, miss it, let it go, and then continue. Meaning you don’t have to be perfect. IF one week you only get in three instead of four workouts, it doesn’t mean you just throw in the towel until you realize you gave up four months down the road. Just miss the work out and move on. Striving for perfection is, most often, setting someone up for failure or disappointment. You can start small, you can grow big, and you can let go of imperfection when it creeps in from time to time. Succumbing to a life of take-out because your oldest has hockey practice two nights a week isn’t necessary. A lot of good can happen on those other four nights!

Self care is a combination of finding and doing what you want as well as finding and doing what you need. It’s looking at the month, week, day, or hour ahead of you and wondering if there is something good you could be doing before you pull out your phone to scroll or cue up Netflix. It’s knowing that the decisions have to be made daily, and that if you miss a day it’s not a reason to suddenly allow yourself to derail. Stand up, brush off, and start anew! When you feel better, you’ll be better, and everyone around you will feel it, even if they don’t realize it. Give them the best of you!