Why Acupuncture?

Hey all, Dr. Meghan here again.  As you can see, I started this blog and promptly let it go forgotten.  If you think homework ends when you graduate, you’d be wrong.  Sometimes a business coach or an SEO specialist will tell you that hey, you should be writing a blog.  Then, if you’re like me, you’ll spend the next week and a half wondering what the heck to write in said blog.  Whatever you’re about to read might be enlightening and educational, but it could potentially be a little bit of word vomit that happened because it’s the end of the day and I haven’t ever really done this before.  That much is obvious.

Moving on… A little over a year ago I joined a women’s Mastermind group and these ladies have supported, encouraged, and challenged me in ways I never saw coming.  During our last session we were asked to write about our Why.  Why are we doing what we’re doing?  Why are we feeling how we feel?  Why is it important?  Why do we want it?  Why do we work for it?

You get the idea.

Oh man, I could have written for days.  I’ll try not to go too crazy with this post, but if you start getting bored, feel free to stop reading.  I won’t take it personally.

Why did I become an acupuncturist?  Simple, to help people.  Why do I want to help people?  Because being ill is miserable.  Why is being ill miserable?  Because it feels like you can’t find the answers and no one can help you.  Why do you need help?  Because you have no idea why you feel miserable.

You can see how it’s a vicious circle.  Well, so is being sick.  At least it was for me.  I have hinted in Instagram posts that I found acupuncture because I myself was sick.  Oh boy was I sick.  I saw so many doctors, had so many tests.  Let me list things I’ve been diagnosed with and then told I did not in fact have:

Peptic Ulcer

Gastric Ulcer

Viral Gastroenteritis

Abdominal Hernia

Ovarian Cysts

Kidney Stones

Kidney Cysts

An immeasurable amount of UTI’s

Now tell me this- a lot of these diagnosis are given based upon test results.  Want to know what’s crazy?  Blood tests, ultrasounds, CT scans, and peeing in a cup ruled all these out yet still, I was medicated for these issues because it was clear SOMETHING was wrong.  I almost had two surgeries that would have been completely unnecessary and unhelpful because it was worth a try, right?

*This is the part where I interject that sometimes surgery is absolutely necessary and that I actually whole heartedly believe in Western medicine. When used properly.

This is a very old, blurry, and unattractive photo of me eating alllllll the gluten. Pasta and bread. Oh jeeze.

Moving on (again)… I didn’t have any of those things, but I did have an insane inability to eat that awful ass hole known as gluten (this is also where I interject about how when I get passionate about something small swear words sometimes slip out.  I apologize for being human.  Only not really).

 It took a lot of doctors. It took a lot of tests.  But you know what’s even more insane?  This is a Never. Ending. Battle.

I have a chronic disease and it requires chronic care.  Being healthy is a choice you have to make again and again and again.  And again. Every. Damn. Day.  Even if you don’t have a chronic disease! I know that the food choices I make will affect my gut and that will cascade to my mood, my hormones, and also my sleep.  But you want to know the worst part?  With this illness and all its branches, it’s hard to not feel like a fraud sometimes.  I’m an acupuncturist with a whole crap ton of training in nutrition and human biochemistry- why the heck don’t I feel like a million bucks every day?  Why am I not the healthiest person I know?  

Want to know what’s even crazier?  Why, as a healthcare clinician, do I hold myself to a standard so much higher than my expectations for my own patients?  Why do I feel so guilty if I have a margarita with my husband over the weekend while he’s barbecuing?  Why do I feel like if I bump into a patient at Whole Foods and they see Gluten Free Oreos in my basket will they decide I’m a great big fraud and clearly they need to find a new acupuncturist? Seriously, I feel so judged by what’s in my grocery cart!

I am in the maroon sweater dancing with two of my closest friends. I have no butt. I’m super thin in that puffy sweater. Gluten trouble is NOT a comfortable weight loss plan. Trust me. I got so thin even my guy friends were asking if maybe I had an eating disorder.

The problem is, I look at my health struggles through the wrong glasses.  I think because I have autoimmune issues, who am I to talk about autoimmunity with a patient?  I think because I have a sweet tooth, how am I supposed to help a patient conquer their own sugar struggles?  And then I remember- I have autoimmunity, I feel your pain.  I love sugar, let me tell you how I combat my own cravings.  I’ve been through the ringer and I know you’re trying acupuncture as your last resort because that’s how I found acupuncture.  It isn’t just empathy, it’s also understanding.

I’m writing this with a truly stellar sunburn proving the fact that I didn’t practice what I preach when it came to reapplying sunscreen this weekend.  I love cheese and peanut butter, neither of which are particularly good for me.  When I get really into a book, I’ll read way too late and totally regret it the next morning when I’m reaching for my third cup of coffee.  I have worked myself to the point of exhaustion and then realized I’m way over due on a good heart pumping work out.

I am not perfect.  

I’m trying every day to be healthy, but I know sometimes it’s just nice to go out to a restaurant, let someone else do the cooking, and end the day with a glass of wine.  If you make conscious, healthy decisions for yourself every single day, you don’t have to be so worried about the occasional chocolate chip cookie or that second glass of wine.  And even though I struggle with my own health, it doesn’t mean I can’t help you with yours.  I was struggling, so I asked for help. The help worked, so I learned a bunch about it. My why is simple- I want people to know they have options. If I look back at when all the illness started, I have come lightyears in that time! Boy the healing game was strong!

The bottom line is that this stuff is hard.  All you can do is keep going.  Ask for help. Forgive yourself and move forward with a positive attitude.  Don’t ever give up. Find your why.